From Tempers to Tutus: The Evolution of a (Softball) Coach
Christian ethicist Lewis Smedes once wrote, “My wife has lived with at least five different men since we were wed—and each of the five has been me.”
I think about this quote often because it applies to so many aspects of my life. I’ve been a father, a husband, a retiree, a veteran, and more. But today, I want to talk about my evolution as a coach—not the kind of coaching you might expect, but my not-so-secret life as a girls’ rec league softball coach.
My daughter couldn’t make it to picture day so I decided to stand in for her. I think the pink bat really ties it all together.
A Hesitant Beginning
In 2020, we moved from Indiana to California. The following year, in the fall of 2021, my youngest daughter decided she wanted to try playing softball, so I volunteered to help coach her team. At that point, our relationship was one of convenience and quiet acknowledgment. I blame my deployments for that. After my last deployment, she didn’t hug me for almost two years and even then it happened by mistake. Coaching softball seemed like an opportunity to bond, a way for us to truly connect. The only problem? My softball knowledge was limited to: “The balls are yellow, and the girls pitch underhand…”
Frustration & Growing Pains
As the seasons passed, I went from struggling to set up nets to becoming the league president, managing one daughter’s team and coaching the other’s. But along the way, frustration, impatience, and a fixation on winning often got the best of me. My teams played with a “woe-is-me” attitude, and I found myself mirroring it. PQ challenged me to rethink not just how I coach, but why I coach—and the kind of impact I truly want to have on my girls.
The Power of PQ
The impact of PQ on my coaching is undeniable. A year ago, I was snapping clipboards over my knee and turning red-faced as I yelled at nine-year-old girls for missing a throw. It got so bad that one of my assistant coaches kept a spare clipboard in his car just for me. Fast forward to today, and I’m wearing a green tutu and if we keep winning, I might have to dye my hair green too!
Do I have the best team in the league? Not even close. Do we have fewer wins than losses? You bet’cha. But we have more fun and find more joy in the game than any other team. That’s the power of PQ.
A Shift in Perspective
Most importantly, I’ve seen how my emotional shifts have changed the way my daughters play. Both of them are pitchers—one a flame thrower, the other a precision artist. I’ve got my own Tom Glavine and Greg Maddux. But my Glavine struggled with the mental and emotional side of pitching, and my Maddux stopped enjoying the game altogether. The very reason I started coaching was slipping away from the sport she once loved.
Since becoming a PQ coach, I’ve infused every part of my coaching softball with PQ - PQ reps, Sage perspective, all of it. And the results speak for themselves. Glavine no longer breaks down in tears over a missed pitch and Maddux can’t stop smiling, win or lose. Their teams are stronger for it and so am I.
The Evolution of a Coach
Like Lewis Smedes’ reflection on his own evolution, I’ve come to realize that my daughters have played for at least five different coaches—and each of them has been me.
At the end of the day, it’s not about wins and losses. It’s about finding joy in a game my kids love. And thanks to PQ, I finally get to enable that joy and experience it with them.
Unlock Your Own Potential
If PQ can transform a clipboard-snapping, red-faced coach into a tutu-wearing champion of joy, imagine what it can do for you. Whether in sports, business, or personal relationships, Positive Intelligence rewires the way you handle challenges, replacing self-sabotage with resilience, clarity, and growth. Ready to shift your mindset and unlock your full potential? PQ is the game-changer you’ve been looking for.
